"I was afraid to talk about my Mum – I was walking on egg shells."

Esohe is carer and grandmother to 16-year-old Alaye. Esohe joined LOHA because she was worried her granddaughter wasn’t talking about her Mum, who had died 9 months earlier from hereditary cancer. Esohe was concerned that her granddaughter was overwhelmed about the worry of cancer and that she might have inherited the genes that cause the cancer but felt unsure how to talk to her about it.

Esohe and Alaye undertook the Systemic Therapy activities – Through the sessions, Esohe found that Alaye wasn’t talking about her Mum because Alaye was trying to protect her Grandmother. Alaye desperately missed her Mum but knew her Gran was missing her daughter.

Since the funeral none of the family had mentioned Alaye’s Mum’s or even got the point where they felt they could speak her Mum’s name. Alaye said she saw her Gran getting cross and upset whenever anyone mentioned her Mum and she and her siblings feared the same reaction.

Alaye said the activities allowed the family to begin talking about her Mum again, which brought relief. It also meant that they could remember their Mum and recall stories about her, which really helped when all the children missed her.

Esohe said that she hadn’t realised her grief had affected the children, she was afraid of breaking down in front of them. The Systemic Therapy activities had allowed all of them to build a connection and share their grief. Esohe, said the power of the sessions was how it bought the family together, when they had all felt isolated, afraid and alone in their grief.

Whilst she knew about the cancer risk to herself and her siblings, Alaye said would go for genetic testing in due course. What really mattered was being able to remember her Mum and to be able to share the grief and the many happy memories all the family have of her – that made her feel better and that her Mum is still part of their lives.